The Merlin Drabble Collection
by Wil1969
Summary: A series of drabbles featuring Merlin and his friends...
1. Chapter 1

_The Heart of Camelot is no more..._

Camelot is no more. Standing on the hill, once giving a majestic view over the beautiful castle, I now see ruins, and it's hard to realise, the place I once loved will never return. Has it been this long? I can't remember. I have travelled the world and back again, to find peace, a new destiny and signs of Arthur's return.

People have long forgotten the bubbling servant, who used to roam through Camelot's halls, collecting herbs at the market and making a fool of himself. Even I almost fail to remember those days. Days of prosperity and hope. They had no idea how often I fought for them, to live a life in peace.

The ruins are the only witnesses left to remind me of my life there. Of the friends I miss so much. They moved on to a place I cannot reach. My powerful magic useless, as always.

I want to move on as well, but I can't. It's impossible to do so when events are unresolved. When there's still hope of a new world, full of magic and laughter. I have seen small glimpses of how life can be, but it has been taken away again and again. All for the sake of destiny, and for the Once and Future King.

Descending the hill and making my way towards my former home is a sad experience. My steps feel as heavy as my heart. Once there was so much life at the Heart of Camelot...

... Now it's deserted and painfully quiet.


	2. Chapter 2

_Clot Pole_

When King Arthur walked into his chambers that evening he felt tired. It had been a very long day full of council meetings and he couldn't help but always feel drowsy afterwards. All he wanted was a nice hot bath and a bed. He was pleased to see that his bath was ready, and even more pleased to see that his beloved Guinevere was sitting at the table doing her needlework.

Then it caught his eye. It was sitting on the armrest of the large chair near the window. Light from outside fell on it, illuminating its grey and red feathers.

"What is, that?" Arthur gaped, pointing at the intruder.

Guinevere just smiled without looking up from her work. "A late wedding present from Merlin."

"A... bird?"

"It's an exotic bird, Arthur. They are very rare. I wonder where Merlin got it from."

"What in the world do I want with a bird in my chambers? Is that good for nothing servant actually thinking for one time, nooo..."

"I thought it was very sweet."

"Sweet?" Arthur fumed and he could feel his face getting hot, "that bird will mess up this room, pee all over our bed linen and table, or worse." He made a face in disgust. "I will give Merlin a piece of my mind when he comes in tomorrow morning. A bird, the nerve he has and without asking."

"Be nice."

"I am always nice." Arthur managed to keep his voice low, or the whole palace might hear what he thought of his servant. They might already know of course, but still. "Merlin's an idiot and the bird is leaving. Bye bye bird..."

Suddenly the bird gazed at him, his head tilted, his body extended towards Arthur and the King could have sworn that there was a scowl in his eyes.

"Clot pole, clot pole." The bird squeaked.

"MERLIN!"


	3. Chapter 3

_Burn_

Rage had been building up inside of him for many years, a rage that couldn't be stopped. A rage that could burn a kingdom down, turn all the rivers into one giant steamy cloud of air, turn people into ashes. Kilgharrah's rage. He had been patient, never wavering from the path he was going to take, hatred for Uther Pendragon deep within his heart.

A loud roar of victory had escaped him when he was freed, when finally the chain had been broken and he could fly away to have his vengeance, his ultimate revenge on the man that had entrapped him, lied to him, killed all of his kind. Kilgharrah had managed to deceive the young Warlock, but the moment he flew up and away he didn't care. His mind was totally and only occupied by the thought of Uther's death. A wonderful deep dark thought it was.

Camelot had taken its stand against him, feeble weapons no match against his rage. Their bravery and loyalty no match against his fires. All that were standing in his way should burn. All the houses of the lower town went up in flames, but he would show them no mercy. They were loyal to Uther, and if death was the consequence of that, so be it.

Merlin trying to stop him made no difference at all. The young Warlock's power was no match against his, and he knew. Merlin's plea didn't have any effect on his overwhelming madness. This was Kilgharrah's final chance and he wouldn't, couldn't leave it to rest.

Burn, they should burn.


	4. Chapter 4

_Will You Sit With Me?_

Gaius gazed at the young man seated at the table and couldn't help noticing that he looked extremely tired, even though he was doing his best to hide it. He watched Merlin blink repeatedly as he tried to read in the dimness of the room.

Gaius still felt dizzy and nauseated from his ordeal of being kidnapped by the Catha, who had been acting on Morgana's behalf. As he lay in bed recuperating, he wondered if he should ask Merlin to come sit with him for a while. Merlin might appear to be lost in thought, but Gaius could see the hurt inside of him and didn't like it one bit.

Merlin hadn't said much after he'd come back, but Gaius knew that he'd been very worried about him, and that he'd even feared that Gaius might have died. And it was still visible on Merlin's face how much it hurt that Arthur had not believed him when he told him Gaius was innocent.

Somehow, Merlin and Gwaine had found him. Gaius knew how stubborn Merlin could be if he set his mind to something. He would have never given up, even if it meant travelling to the ends of the Earth to find him and prove his innocence.

Gaius remembered what he had told Arthur. He'd been speaking about Merlin in a way, although Arthur didn't know it, of course.

'Contained within this great kingdom is a rich variety of people with a range of different beliefs. I'm not the only one seeking to protect you. There are many more who believe in the world you are trying to create. One day you will learn, Arthur. One day you will understand...just how much they've done for you.'

Arthur had caused a great deal of pain inside Merlin's heart when he hadn't believed him. And Gaius knew he had to make things right, for Merlin's sake.

Merlin had not only done a great deal for Arthur, but also for Gaius himself. And if he could return the favour today, he definitely would.

"Merlin, will you sit with me?


	5. Chapter 5

_Wrong_

Everything felt wrong. Camelot - once a place of warmth and happiness when Arthur ruled - felt cold and distant. People mourning because of the loss of their king at Camlann. Princess Mithian had felt the same when her father had passed away recently, as if the world around her had come to a full stop and she had been living in a blurry detached dream. Things didn't happen to her, they happened around her. She had felt too tired and numb to interact with anyone. There was still this gnawing emptiness inside of her at times when she imagined she could still hear her father's voice.

Today found her in the great hall of Camelot. She tried her best to be polite to everyone, but all she wanted was to stare at the floor and weep. A princess didn't cry in front of people and she bit her tongue to stop a whimper from escaping, a tear from falling. The queen had lost her husband and would need her support in the times to come. She needed to be strong, for both their sake as well as Camelot's future. Mithian held her head up high.

The surviving knights of the round table stood at attention as her eyes darted around, while she made a true effort to keep her face neutral. There was something so terribly amiss though, it made her nauseated, her whole body trembling and weak. Near the first window to her right, a place normally reserved for King Arthur's servant, there was only emptiness. The love of Mithian's live, the one and only person she trusted and could talk to in times of trouble. She could still feel his farewell kiss linger on her lips.

Her dear Merlin was gone and could just as well be dead. No one had heard from him since the news reached them about King Arthur's passing. Mithian had always known he would die for his king and it was probably what had happened to him. Both brave and loyal men perished to protect Camelot.

She walked up to the throne and stood next to Guinevere, putting her right hand on the queen's shoulder. A gesture that was not only supporting the queen, but Mithian herself as well. She wasn't surprised when a hand landed on hers. They didn't look at each other or the princess knew they would be lost.

The serving girl escorting Mithian to her chambers looked very young. Had she ever been this young and innocent herself? The girl still had a touch of hope inside her large blue eyes, a promise of love and happiness. Looking at her it made Mithian swallow, remembering she herself had dreamed of a future with Merlin, no matter that he was a servant. They were happy together - correction - would have been.

Everything around seemed to be closing in on her and she could hardly breathe. When they reached the door to her chambers Mithian managed to whisper to the girl. "Thank you. You can go."

"Your highness." She curtsied but waited until the princess had entered her room.

When the door closed, Mithian's forced demeanour immediately broke into a million little pieces. She barely made it to the bed, staggering. Throwing herself on a pillow, wracked sobs assaulted her with a vengeance.

Merlin, sweet brave Merlin. She would never see him smile at her again...


	6. Chapter 6

_Best friends_

"Will, stop, just stop right there."

Merlin was running after his friend, an exasperated sigh leaving him as he made his way across the dirt road, feet splashing in the muddy water pools that had formed after last night's rain. He had to stop Will, and let him see reason. But his friend was the most stubborn guy he ever met, so he wasn't so sure it would do any good.

"Why, Merlin?" Will didn't stop, didn't even turn to face him, "does it help to stop and listen to you? Will it make you stay?"

Merlin could feel the hurt in his best friend's voice. Like he committed an act of betrayal, of having done something so terrible that Will didn't want to listen to reason.

"Do you think I want to leave?" He grabbed Will's shoulder, turning his friend around to face him, "do you think I have a choice, really Will? You of all people should understand."

"But Camelot. Magic is forbidden, it's punishable by death, is your mother crazy sending you there?"

"Hey."

"Sorry, but Merlin," Will let out a deep sigh, his face a mixture of sadness and hope. "Don't give up on us?"

"I would never do that, you are my friend." Was that it? Was that what Will was terrified about?

Will suddenly smirked. "If what I heard about Prince Arthur is true, you'll be back home next week."

"Ha, that's what you think," Merlin send him a lopsided grin, grabbed his shirt and ruffled his hair. "He'll be my best friend before you know it."

Will gaped at him, saw the twinkle in his eyes and they both broke out in laughter so loud that the people in the street were staring at them in annoyance.

"Merlin and the prince, that's hilarious."


	7. Chapter 7

_Necessity_

Merlin couldn't do it, he knew he couldn't. Morgana was his friend, and her being the source of this evil enchantment that would be the death of them all if he couldn't stop it, was something Merlin could not even have come up with in his worst nightmares. The mere thought of it drowned him, and it was like he could barely reach out taking a breath at the surface.

He had to stop her or Camelot would be lost. And the only way to stop her was to kill her. He gasped for breath once more feeling sleep overtake his thoughts and steps while he searched through Gaius' chambers for something, anything. There had to be another way, had to be. He was too tired to think straight, to come up with a better solution. He was running out of time.

Merlin felt beyond sad, he felt desperate and had the urge to scream out loud at the world, at the injustice of it all. Morgana was just a puppet in a very dirty game, and she couldn't help it. She didn't even know, how could she? How could he betray her like this, or was it even betrayal?

Maybe if he would poison her? The idea alone made his stomach hurt and when tears came to his eyes he wiped them away in anger and resentment against his own thoughts. Gaius might be able to save her? Would that be a possibility even, and would it break the spell?

Grabbing the right bottle from the table he stared at its label for what felt like an eternity, and he promised himself that if there was any other way to stop this from happening, he would grab on to it with both hands. If not, if there was no other choice, he would have to learn to live with it.

Merlin wasn't so sure he could...


	8. Chapter 8

_The stern cook_

Audrey couldn't help it, every time Merlin entered her kitchen, to fetch food for the Prince, a giant smile appeared on her face. She had to hide that smile into her apron every time as well because she had to uphold her reputation of being a no nonsense cook. Imagine people around her seeing that gentle smile? She shuddered at the thought of them becoming aware that she was a nice person. Nice people didn't effectively run a castle kitchen, and she did.

Of course she would hide it, especially from Arthur's clumsy servant who had melted her heart a long time ago with his goofy smile and endearing manners. Whatever Merlin did wrong, she might scowl at him a little, even a lot, or run after him to try and whack him around the head if he touched something that he shouldn't, but all in all she really liked the young man.

"Good morning, Audrey." Merlin's cheerful voice right behind her took her by surprise this time and she berated herself for drifting off in thought. Quickly she resumed her; ' do not mess around with me' stance while she pointed at a plate on a table.

"There's the Prince's plate, and don't scare me like that again."

"Me, scaring the great cook of Camelot? I wouldn't dream of it." There was amusement in that teasing voice of his. Trying to stay in her role with him wasn't easy, but she'd managed to get really good at it.

"Just grab the plate and get out of my kitchen."

"Yes, Ma'am." Merlin grabbed the plate while she saw him sneak a freshly baked blueberry pie into the pocket of his jacket.

"Hey!"

She waved her hand in the direction of his head, he ducked, let out a sparkling sound of laughter and ran out of the kitchen, balancing the plate in one hand.

All she could do was smile...


	9. Chapter 9

_Desperate_

The sun was shining bright, the sky was a deep blue and birds were singing high up in the trees. The forests around Camelot seemed to be filled with life on this Summer day.

Merlin couldn't care less .

He was out of breath from running through the forest as fast as he could. He couldn't stop, couldn't gain his breath for just a second. If he did, Arthur might die. He tripped over a root and fell flat on his face, the wind forcefully knocked out of him, but he bit his lip, ignored the pain, scrambled to his feet and without hesitation he ran on. The solid mantra in his head, that if he stopped he would be too late.

It suddenly reminded him of the day when he had also ran through the forest like this to save Arthur from Sophia and her father. That day Arthur had almost drowned. A desperate feeling crawled up inside like a wave crushing him while he ran. What if Arthur was already dead?

Merlin could hear Morgana's voice chanting from miles away and he gained his speed, even though his legs were about to give out on him. Reach Arthur, he had to reach him.

The scene before him made his blood boil. Arthur was on his knees, his hands clawing at his throat, his face already bluish from lack of oxygen. Morgana towering over him, a victorious smirk on her face, her hand extended to crush the life out of the King.

Desperation made way for anger quickly, when Merlin fell to his knees behind a huge tree to stay out of sight. Morgana was going to regret this. Without wasting time he directed a whispered spell at the woman who had become so bitter and full of hate for all of them.

When she hit the ground unconscious, Merlin's eyes turned blue once more...

Arthur was safe.


	10. Chapter 10

_Have no Fear_

King Arthur Pendragon felt like he should be used to it by now. The gathering of the forces, his mighty army marching out to face an enemy that seemed unstoppable, but they would go out there and fight for all they were worth, for the love of their families and friends. For the love of Camelot.

Somehow it felt different this time, like a shadow was Arthur's constant companion on their ride to the battle field. He couldn't shake it, and he felt desperate as he knew he should get a grip if he was to win the fight and win this war. He was the King for goodness sake. He should act strong and be confident.

Riding along, deep in thought, he caught Merlin's steady gaze. They were always riding side by side in the lead, and Arthur had never given it much thought up until now. Merlin's whole body seemed to be emitting a white illuminating light and Arthur blinked a couple of times, wondering if the light he saw was a dream. Yes, it had to be his imagination, definitely.

Blinking again, hard, it was gone, but the intense look in Merlin's eyes told Arthur that everything was going to be all right. It was a silent promise, warming Arthur's soul and taking away his doubts and fear. Almost like a warm blanket of comfort that had been draped over the dark shadow and the only thing left was a golden light.

Arthur couldn't explain it, but he felt it in his heart. They were marching to the rhythm of a different drum. And no matter what would happen, they had already won.


	11. Chapter 11

_All Alone_

Merlin was all alone. He felt the overwhelming pain of loss in his heart, the unbearable silence of losing a friend's voice. He lost everything. His best friend, his destiny. After his failure he knew he couldn't return to Camelot to face either Gwen or Gaius. He failed them all, and the burden of it was his to carry, all alone. It was what he deserved after all.

Never had he failed to protect Arthur, and while having the foresight that this would be the outcome, he failed his King, his friend, the kingdom. A thank you from Arthur being the last words he would hear him speak in a very long time, if ever. A thank you, while he failed. It made Merlin even more determent to stay out here, all alone near the lake.

A silent tear made a slow trace down his cheek, while he kneeled down on the shore, feeling undone. There was no need for composure, for a forced smile or a hopeful prayer that would not be heard.

"Merlin?"

The soft familiar female voice startled him for just a second. There was deep love radiating from that voice, and conviction and trust.

"Freya?"

"You have to return to Camelot, Merlin."

"I failed Freya," his voice faltered, breath stuck as he choked. "I failed my destiny, failed to protect a friend, again."

This feeling was so intense that Merlin couldn't find his voice. He shut his eyes tight while he waited, breathing slowly in and out to gain it again. " I don't know... how to live without him. It's like my soul's been ripped to pieces, one half lost to me forever."

"Arthur would want you to go on. To protect his Queen, to protect Camelot."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, Merlin. I do."


	12. Chapter 12

_Home_

At times Camelot seemed huge and expanding ever on and on when you turned a corner. Dark, foreboding, hostile and bitterly cold. It was almost like the rein of Uther Pendragon was seeping through the walls. On days like these, not even the tapestries and chandeliers with their ever burning candles could bring an inch of warmth into Merlin's soul.

He would walk through the never ending and winding corridors, dread in his heart, looking over his shoulder at every turn. It was like he was out in the open, exposed to the elements. Like everyone looked at him differently, as if they knew he had magic.

Today was a day like that, or worse, a dark evening like that. A heavy storm was blowing and howling around thick walls, and rain was targeting the castle windows. Merlin had brought Arthur dinner and was on his way back to Gaius.

The howling of the wind made shivers go down his back, and the shadows playing on the walls looked like clammy hands that wanted to reach out and grab him. Punish him for being born with magic. Tell Uther about him so he could be burned at the stake.

Merlin swallowed hard and intensified his pace. His heart was racing while he turned corner after corner. Uther didn't know about him, and he would never find out. It was like a mantra going through Merlin's head, over and over.

Walking into Gaius' chambers a sudden warmth and light greeted him. Like a warm blanket that was quickly draped around his shoulders and he let out a deep shaky sigh, releasing the tension that had build up inside.

"Ha, Merlin, there you are," Gaius smiled. "Soup's ready, grab a chair and let's eat."

Merlin smiled back at him and he knew... He was finally home.


	13. Chapter 13

_I Miss You_

The room felt empty, lifeless and cold. No familiar sounds of brewing potions, the rustling of pages from old books or any voices to be heard. These chambers had always been so full of life, of hope and of friendship and love, but right now it was just a distant sad memory.

Gaius was no more, and Merlin, sitting on his empty bed gazing around the room, felt this aching pain inside that cut deep into his heart. His stomach felt tight with trying to suppress his emotions, his sorrow, but it was whirling inside of him waiting to burst out.

The physician had been very old and had died peacefully in his sleep. There had been no chance to say goodbye, which hurt so much that Merlin didn't know what to do with himself. Gaius had been family, had been a surrogate father to him. Had always been there to help him, guide him and show him the right path.

Merlin wasn't a young boy anymore, and he had experienced loss in his life. Every time he did, Gaius had been there to support him, give him strength, a shoulder to cry on.

"I just wish you were here again." Merlin's eyes caught a dark red robe hanging over a chair and he bit his lip to stop his tears from flowing. Gaius wouldn't want that. Would want him to be strong and remember the good times they had. But looking around the room in despair, Merlin couldn't. Not yet.

The door opened, but he really didn't want to see who it was.

"Merlin?" A familiar voice reached him, soft and warm.

"Mother?"

His mother held out her arms, and all Merlin could do was run to her, hug her tightly, while his tears finally couldn't be stopped anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

_Magic and Light_

"Look..." Freya took Merlin's hand in hers, while she willed him to look at what she wanted him to see. It turned slowly dark now that the sun had set, but he complied without even the slightest bit of hesitation.

They stood on the south shore of the Lake of Avalon, while snowflakes came down, covering Merlin. Not her though. She was not from the land of the living, and snow would not fall down on her. Wind could not be felt on her skin, and neither did raindrops. She didn't feel the elements, she didn't feel Merlin's cold hands or the warmth of his body. It was one of her two regrets. The second one was not being able to stay with Merlin in a way they both longed for, forever.

At times she wondered where she found the strength to go on. Not that parts of it hadn't been easy, as she had no notion of time or what it was to feel lonely. All she knew was that she had to be there for Merlin, to offer her guidance and help. If this had been her destiny to begin with, she would embrace it, even though if it meant that they couldn't be together.

As Freya took Merlin's hand, she was amazed by the sensation that she normally couldn't feel. That she could actually touch him wasn't new. But where it had felt neutral before, this time a small shudder went up her spine. He pulled his gaze away from the lake, and looked down at her in surprise and awe.

"It's beautiful," Merlin answered in his soft, rich voice, while he smiled. "This is why you called me?"

She slowly nodded, a returning smile playing on her lips. She may not be able to live amongst the living, but the small amount of magic she had possessed while being alive, was nothing compared to what she could actually do now. All for the good of the future of Albion of course. That future meant a great deal to Merlin, and seeing him with a smile on his face was worth it.

"You did this, for me?"

"Yes," Freya looked up into Merlin's eyes and saw fondness and love there. "Winter solstice means the shortest day. Sunset comes early, and because of that I wanted to surprise you."

It was as if the opposite shore had come alive. Little lights of magic were dancing through the air, chasing each other. Sparkles of red, yellow and even blue exploded high in the sky, raining down like colourful waterfalls.

"Thank you." He simply said, and placed a light kiss on her cheek, while they watched the spectacle of magic and light, standing close together. And Freya's heart was overcome with joy, just for a moment, but in it was the strength she needed...


	15. Chapter 15

_Secrets_

King Uther Pendragon saw her walking into the hall, or rather floating into the hall. Her stride was light but with pride, head held high and a slight defiant look in her eyes. Morgana, known as his ward to everyone but him, made him proud every time she came strolling by with an air that reminded him so much of himself. It warmed his heart so thoroughly that she could actually light up the room for him. He knew he wasn't the only one. Many young men had tried to conquer her heart, but she had turned them down ruthlessly.

She was the daughter he'd always wanted, one that was not afraid to speak her mind. He loved her and had faith in her. He trusted her, even though he could be harsh towards her at times.

Uther also knew he could never tell her the truth, could never tell her that she was his real daughter. How he had seduced her mother Vivian while Gorlois was away to fight in his name on the Northern plains. It would be the downfall of Uther's reign, of Camelot and Arthur if he did.

So Uther kept his secret, deep down inside. He had many secrets and had become accustomed to living with them over the years. He was the King, the ruler of his land. It would not do to dwell in secrets or regrets. He had to stay strong.

But when Morgana walked into the hall, this one secret burned inside of him like never before. Burned like the roaring fire of the great dragon, and his feelings were torn somewhere between pride and disgust.

And Uther wondered... Would she ever find out?


	16. Chapter 16

_The Lucky Ones_

High up on his solitary tower, Merlin had an amazing breathtaking view over the lake of Avalon on one side, and an outstretched field with rolling hills going higher and higher until it reached the mountains, on the other.

He had claimed this tower as his own, and came here often to study, to think, to feel close to everyone he'd lost. The sunsets were always peaceful and stunning, and even though he could not always pull himself away from his feelings of loneliness, it showed him life. Merlin felt at ease up on the roof of this ancient structure. Like he was actually part of the sky as well as the Earth.

This sunny, warm afternoon had urged him to come. To stand on the roof and enjoy the field now filled with lots of different flowers, a magnificent sight. The field was covered in a red, white and blue tapestry. Most prominent were the red roses in full bloom. Red roses still reminded Merlin of Freya, but where there used to be pain in his heart was now a fond memory. And being near the lake he knew she was never very far away.

Below he heard the sound of laughter drifting up to where he stood. Gazing down to find the source he saw two young people, a petite brunette girl and a tall dark haired boy, perhaps fifteen, sixteen years old, running hand in hand through the field of roses. Stopping now and then to kiss each other before their laughter filled the air once more.

And Merlin, even though the sight made him swallow, felt hope well up inside him for this young couple. They probably didn't yet understand how lucky they were. A smile reached the Warlock's lips...

Yes, they were indeed the lucky ones.


	17. Chapter 17

_Destiny_

On dark dreary days, when rain fell and everything was cold and wet and people were moody and solemn, on days like this all Merlin wanted was to get away. Far away to a place where no one needed him, where he could live in a little hut near a lake with some land, a cow and a couple of chickens. Where no one would disturb him with questions. Where he could be at peace without having to look over his shoulder constantly. Where he could practice magic and be happy.

But she always dragged him back to reality, claimed him. There was no escaping her, even if he tried. And he had tried many times to change the future, the outcome, his life. She wouldn't have any of it, twisting things in a cruel way constantly, probably necessary to make him see reason.

At times he even liked it this way, as it made him feel important. Needed. What would happen if he could escape and started a life without her? Would he miss Camelot, Arthur, his friends, her? Would his magic be wasted for all eternity if he wasn't around to protect Arthur and the future of Albion? Or would the pain and burden he felt every day be gone at last?

She couldn't answer his many questions, no one could. On days like this Merlin wished he could stop thinking about it, stop his thoughts all together. So he tried to drown himself in chores, and even if that worked for a moment, she would come back to haunt him during lonely nights.

And Merlin knew, he couldn't live with or without her.


	18. Chapter 18

_The Dragon Calls_

Kilgharrah had been waiting for a long time. Waiting for a sign, a sign from the Earth itself; the Old Religion just as deeply imbedded it its core, as it was in the Dragon's soul.

When the sign was finally given, a piercing sound of a great power shaking the dragon wide awake from a sleepless dream, there was no time to waste. He had always been very patient, but this time it was different. This time he had to act quickly, making sure the pawn of destiny knew what was expected of him. Of them all. Albion's future was depending on it. His own future as well, he knew.

So he called out the name that was given to him by a High Priest and Dragon Lord of the Old Religion many years ago.

"Emrys."

As there was no immediate reaction from the human being he was trying to reach, the dragon couldn't help but laugh at his own mistake. The young Warlock would be known under a different name in this place, and at this point in time. This was only the beginning after all.

"Merlin." He called out with his mind, and was satisfied to feel that the boy did react this time, even though it was not the reaction he had hoped for after so many years. He needed to press on a bit here it seemed.

"Merlin."

Kilgharrah didn't know how long he had been calling out, but when the young Warlock finally stood there, on the ledge, staring up at him in awe, surprise and a little fear clearly visible on his face, the dragon couldn't help but smile.

"How small you are for such a great destiny."


	19. Chapter 19

_To Camelot_

Hunith looked up at her son as they stood outside their small hut. The sun was slowly rising in the morning sky, and the light caught Merlin's dark hair and made it glow. It was cool, and she shivered but not just because of the cold, she knew.

This hut had been their home together for many years, she couldn't imagine not having her son around, and that one thought almost made her turn back on what she knew she had to do. Sending him away to keep him safe was the hardest thing she had ever done. The pain inside made her stomach turn as she looked into her son's blue eyes. Beautiful eyes. His features would be forever embedded in her heart, her very soul.

"Mother?" He gently traced one finger over her face. "Are you sure I should do this?" It sounded hesitant, even a little fearful, and her heart almost broke.

"We talked about this, Merlin. There really is no other choice." She forced herself to smile at him. "Gaius is a good friend, he will keep you safe."

"But, Camelot ..."

"I know." They had been talking about this for months, and she had to go through with it now. Her son's happiness depended on it, and she felt it was right, that it was right for him, somehow.

Hunith pulled one of Merlin's clenched fists in her hands, and as she opened it she lay her gift to him on his palm. A leather bracelet. A simple leather bracelet.

"I hope you will always wear it and remember me," she said softly, with a small note of regret in her voice. Then she beamed at him. "You will do well, I know you will."

"I will always remember you, Mother." Tears were threatening to come to the surface, but she could see that he forced himself to keep them away. He wanted to show her that he was ready to go.

To Camelot.


	20. Chapter 20

_Walking away from love_

Morgana was not going to get what she wanted, not from him, not this time, not ever again. Merlin's powerful spell had thrown her through the cave, so much force unleashing it had almost made his hands sizzle. Magic crackling through the darkness, all candles had been relinquished immediately.

Merlin knew there had been no choice. He had to use magic to save himself, to save Arthur. He was not going to let her use him to get to Arthur this time.

Morgana never saw it coming, never knew what hit her.

But Merlin couldn't continue. Something inside of him, something strong prevented him from raising his hand, from summoning his magic, from destroying her once and for all. As she lay there, helpless and near death he felt a power so strong that he couldn't ignore it. It was making his stomach whirl and his palms sweat, his eyes water.

All the hate he might feel for Morgana, all the contempt, all his fears. In that instant they merged into something that Merlin didn't want to feel. It was too damn distracting, too emotional.

He had once loved her, knew it could never be. She had been a good friend, but a dangerous one. Merlin thought for a long time that there was nothing left of his friendship or love for her. That if he would ever need to confront her he would show her no mercy.

Like today. Standing over her, having the power to stop her. It frightened him, more than he could ever say.

Merlin slowly turned away from her and walked out of the darkness of the musty cave into the light. Tears were accompanying him as he started to walk away, walk away from her and this intense feeling that caused him grief, making him want to scream out about the injustice of it all.

Walking away from love.


	21. Chapter 21

_A Life without you_

Guinevere always thought she wouldn't be able to cope without Arthur. When all hope was lost for his safe return, she felt like she was going to drown. The pain inside unbearable, like some invisible wave was crashing through her body and soul. And it intensified with the thought that she hadn't been there for him, not been there when his brave soul departed.

Gwen had actually felt like she wanted to die as well. What use was a life without Arthur, what use was it to get up in the morning, while the places where he used to walk, sit and sleep stayed empty? There was no other thing she would gladly do for him then to follow him into the abyss.

One morning she had gazed into her bedroom mirror and suddenly she understood. Like someone had whispered it in her ear. She should be strong, she was responsible for Arthur's life's work now, for the safety of Camelot and it's citizens. The people they loved. The coronation would be soon, and Arthur would look down at her in pride. Gwen had to believe that.

She had one question in her mind though. Merlin had also not come back to Camelot, and with everything that she got out of a devastated Gaius, she knew he had to be alive. Knowing Merlin as well as she did, the only probable reason for it would be that he felt he'd failed everyone. That he had failed Arthur and her. That he deserved to stay alone.

But Gwen knew he had to be found, she personally had to find him and bring him back to the place where he belonged, by her side. But she also really had to know...

Had Merlin been beside Arthur at the moment of his death?


	22. Chapter 22

_Time after Time_

The man looked so utterly lost standing there, unable to move and totally oblivious to the warm touch of sunshine on his face. His intent gaze cast downwards to a spot on the grass, his breathing coming in short gasps with the occasional hiccup in between, while he desperately tried to swallow away tears but failing miserably.

He knew this man very well. His raven coloured hair a huge contrast to his ebony skin, those dark blue eyes piercing though ones very soul. The way he walked, the way he would bounce up and down in excitement like an idiot for something futile, and the way his face would give you the brightest of smiles, or scowls for that matter. Always open, loyal, caring.

But now that face was scrunched up in pain, a deep frown between dark brows, and tears slowly sliding down those prominent cheekbones. A sense of loss was hanging so clearly in the air around him, that Arthur could feel it from where he was standing, watching him.

Even in the spiritual world, the world of the dead, where he felt relieve and happiness and hope, Arthur would always be aware of his former servant. A man who became his best friend, and a man he respected more than anyone he'd ever known. Their destinies were still entwined.

Yes, Arthur felt Merlin's grief somehow, and he knew his new task was to give Merlin hope. Let him know that not all was lost. That he would always be there if Merlin wanted him to be. His friend just needed to look for him.

The former King reached out his hand, laying it gently on his friend's shoulder.

Merlin's head instantly snapped up, glazy eyes searching their surroundings while the warlock swallowing deeply, seemed to relax.

"Arthur..."


	23. Chapter 23

_A Prince with a problem_

"Don't pull so damn hard, Merlin!" Arthur gasped, mouth wide open, a shocked look on his face.

"I'm sorry, sire, but it needs to come out."

The Prince was not having any of it though, and pushed himself away from his Servant. Doing so he landed on his backside on the floor, a scowl on his face, his mouth now tightly shut.

"Come on Arthur, open up."

"Donowato." The subject in question mumbled, his mouth half open now.

"So, you prefer to walk around with a face like a royal thundercloud all day?"

Arthurs eyes tightened and Merlin knew he was threading on dangerous grounds here. Not that he cared. A Prince with a toothache was a bad thing, Prince Arthur with a toothache was a disaster. If he was rude and insensitive before, he'd doubled that, driving everyone crazy. Especially Merlin, who had to take the brunt of it.

This needed some extreme action, and Merlin persuading Arthur to pull it didn't seem to work. The man endured fights and just got on with it, but the sight of a pair of tongs had him running.

Merlin was on the verge of using magic, but of course he couldn't. Well, not while Arthur was still conscious. No, there had to be some other way.

"You're so childish, Arthur."

"Childish?" The Prince's mouth had opened now, slightly.

"Immature, infantile."

"I'll show you infantile."

Arthur jumped up to grab Merlin, missed by one inch and while Merlin ran for the door the Prince was on his heels. Merlin was quicker though, opening the door and slamming it shut behind him.

Then he could hear a loud 'ouch' and a 'thud' from inside the room. He carefully opened the door to see Arthur sitting there, looking bemused, the rotten tooth in one hand.

"You did that on purpose," he glared at Merlin. "Definitely did that on purpose."

"Would I do such a thing?"

"Yes!" Arthur stood and one hand suddenly grabbed Merlin's scarf. "It's your fault my mouth is bleeding all over my shirt, so give me your scarf."

"But, sire."

"Now, Merlin." Arthur let out a satisfied sigh, "it's only fair after all."


	24. Chapter 24

_Hope_

Young Mordred knew it was a special day today. It was 36 seasons ago that he'd been born. In tradition with the Gallic calendar, the druids would gather around a tree that was bound to the time of birth. In Mordred's case, this was in spring and the tree was a chestnut.

The sun was slowly setting, when the group of people he called family formed a perfect circle around the biggest chestnut Mordred had ever seen. He was aware of a small warm hand gripping his, and his gaze fell on Kara. The little girl smiled up at him, so brightly, he couldn't help but grin back.

When the druids began to sing, soft words drifting through the silent forest, his grin faded as he thought back of the time that he still had a real family. His parents, both brutally slain by King Uther Pendragon, as so many of them were. They were refugees in their own land, always on the run, never safe. Was there any hope left for them at all?

Kara's grip pulled him back to what was going on around him. The sun had set, the moon gave everything a bluish glow and the druids had stopped singing. Kara was leaping forward, offering him something that had been held tight in her small fist...

It was a small triskelion shaped brooch, its silver seemed to be vibrating in the moonlight.

The druid leader smiled down at both of them. "This brooch represents three worlds, young Mordred. The otherworld, where spirits live. The mortal world where we live along with plants and animals, and the celestial world where unseen energies live, like the forces of sun, moon, wind and water. May it bring hope to your heart."

And Mordred knew. There was always hope...


	25. Chapter 25

_Written for JillC, for the Holiday wishlists 2016..._

 _A magical night_

The life of a knight wasn't always easy, Mordred thought as he raised his collar to escape the chill that travelled down his back. Even though there was almost no wind tonight, it was freezing. Camelot covered in a thick layer of snow, and beyond these walls it was impenetrable. But a knight shouldn't let himself be surprised by the weather, Mordred knew. It was his duty to stand guard in the royal gardens tonight, snow or not.

He shivered some more, his eyes falling on a large pine tree. It was the centre of the gardens, and Queen Guinevere's favourite place in summer. The magnificent tree swayed a little, and before Mordred could blink, a small light came out of nowhere. It wavered in the air for a moment and landed in the tree top, lightening the area around. What the...

A voice from nearby made him jump. Well almost, as knights needed to keep their composure at all times of course.

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

It was Merlin. Of course it was. Who else could conjure up a light to land in a tree. But what if anyone had seen it? Mordred looked around in fear. He'd always managed to keep his magic at bay, afraid of using it, of people finding out about him. Wasn't Merlin afraid?

"What if someone has seen?" He whispered.

"It's only you and me," Merlin answered as if he didn't have a worry in the world. "Relax."

"What do you want, Merlin?"

"I'm on food patrol."

"Food patrol?"

Merlin waved a bag. "Bread and warm cider to the knights standing on guard."

"Ah." Mordred eyed the bag suspiciously, "Arthur's orders, no doubt?"

"No, my idea actually."

Mordred didn't have an answer to that. He always felt unwelcome in Merlin's eyes, unworthy, not good enough. Why in the world would the man bring him food and drinks? Were there any strings attached? Did he want something?

Merlin grabbed a fresh bread out of his bag, handed Mordred a piece and started to pull small pieces of another, throwing them in the snow. Mordred raised his brows, wondering what he was up to when he saw it...

Birds descended in front of them, coming very close and looking up at Merlin with curious little eyes, as if they understood he was a friend. That they could eat their food in peace. A feeling of warmth and serenity washed over Mordred, while he watched both the birds and the warlock in fascination. What was it with Merlin that birds came to greet him in the middle of the night? It felt as if nature became alive and vibrant, as if they all wanted to feel the magical warmth.

And Mordred couldn't deny. One day he hoped this wonderful warm magic was meant for him...

 _The End_


	26. Chapter 26

_The colours of the Earth_

I don't know why, but I have always envisioned Gaius with the colour brown. The colours of the earth, and it is grounding me to it; to him. His voice is calm and it feels like holding on to a sturdy old oak tree. There's a smell of herbs and spices and even though my world is bathed in darkness, the colour brown is all I hold on to. Warm, solid and everlasting.

"Merlin, what have you done?" The voice reaches me while I feel the air moving as he bends over and lays a hand on my shoulder. I can hear concern mixed with relief as I move a little.

Then I mumble something about a spell gone wrong, while I try to hold on and connect to the earth. I feel the soil and autumn leafs under my hands and dig my fingers into it. Of all places the forest is one of tranquillity and its earthy brown mixed with Gaius' demeanour makes me relax.

"I can fix this, Gaius. Just, give me a moment."


	27. Chapter 27

_I Wish_

"Merlin?"

"Gaius?" Merlin looked up from reading a book he had discovered in Camelot's library. Something about the deeper meaning behind dreams and wishes. An interesting read it was.

"If you could wish for something, anything," Gaius must have read the title of the book as well, "and it would come true, what would you wish for?"

Merlin felt a little startled but didn't have to hesitate about the question. "For you to live forever, Gaius."

"Seriously, Merlin."

"I am."

Of course he had more wishes than that, but speaking them out loud to Gaius was a bit awkward. His wishes would never come true. However, some might. He smiled. "All right, what about Arthur and Gwen getting a son?"

"Yes," Gaius agreed. "That would be wonderful."

"Lancelot coming back from the death?" Merlin knew he shouldn't go there, but he couldn't help himself now that the question was in the open. "To have Morgana back as a friend instead of our enemy, and to have Arthur recognize Magic and letting it into his heart and the Kingdom. That he finally sees me for who I really am."

Merlin could hear his voice falter thinking about the other deep wish he had for a long time now.

"You can tell me, Merlin." Gaius seemed to be able to read his mind, as always.

"To have Freya back here with me," Merlin swallowed and felt tears stinging in his eyes. "To be happy together, really truly happy."

Gaius was standing next to him in a second, a hand on his shoulder in comfort.

"And you, Gaius?"

"All I want is your happiness, my dear boy."


	28. Chapter 28

_A kiss for luck_

Merlin never really believed in superstitious nonsense and he wasn't about to start now. Once Gaius had given him a rabbits foot, a bringer of luck to the bearer. Not that it had done him or his mother any good at the time. Gaius had meant well. There had been a sign of deep caring and love in that gesture. Merlin appreciated that more than Gaius would ever know. But he vowed never to believe in these good luck charms again, ever.

These lasts couple of days had been draining. Out on a hunt Arthur had been attacked and seriously injured by a wild boar. This time Merlin hadn't been around to save him as Gaius had asked for his help in an urgent matter . It felt like failure after all he and Arthur had been through together.

Sitting on a chair next to Arthur's bed watching over him, the amulet the Prince had given to him, a token of their friendship, felt heavy in his hands. This amulet represented good luck and fortune but Merlin didn't believe in it. Or did he?

A soft female voice started to whisper in his mind. He had heard her voice before as she was the one connected to this amulet. Arthur's mother, Ygraine. The voice guiding him to make a connection between the amulet, Arthur and himself.

On instinct he lifted the object without thinking about it and slowly brought it to his lips brushing cool metal against warm skin. Closing his eyes he planted a solid kiss on the cold surface, slightly aware that the metal started to warm up. With all his being, even with his magic, he wished for what Arthur needed in this desperate hour. To live.

When he pulled back Merlin somehow sensed deep within that his wish had been heard. Placing the amulet under Arthur's pillow and quickly kissing the Prince's forehead, he knew all was going to be fine.


	29. Chapter 29

_Memories_

The first rays of sunshine of a new day fell on Merlin's pale face, while he stood there in a small clearing in the forest. A peaceful clearing, not far from the citadel where he always went to pick herbs for Gaius. The only sound was the singing of birds.

He blinked at the welcoming light, while the chill inside his body was still threatening to overwhelm him. While tear streaks were still visible on his face. The dragon was gone. Camelot safe once more, but at a terrible price for Merlin. He had lost his father.

"You did it." The words had been said to Arthur, but were directed at himself of course. He had done it, made Kilgharrah bow to him, obey him and leave Camelot alone. His father would have been very proud of him. He knew. He had felt it inside, like the man had been standing next to him.

Staring at the small dragon carved out of a piece of wood in his hand, memories of the last days came floating back to him. His father had made this for him. And the memory made him smile and feel miserable at the same time.

He knew what he had to do. This place, right here in the forest, was the place where he wanted to remember Balinor. A place to come to and think, ask for guidance even.

Merlin placed the dragon carefully on a large bolder. The spell left his mouth in a whisper, his eyes flashed golden and the carved dragon turned into stone, like a small statue attached to the bolder, its little wings opened proudly.

He looked at it, a smile suddenly appearing on his face. The chill inside was washed away. Not by the sun, but by the knowledge that his father would be remembered, and would always be with him.


	30. Chapter 30

_Broken_

Gwen felt sad. Actually she felt more than sad, she felt broken beyond repair and empty. Like someone had ripped her heart out of her chest and there was nothing left but a gaping hole.

Arthur had banned her from Camelot and she couldn't blame him. It was her own fault, her own doing that brought this predicament on to her. No, she would never blame Arthur, she loved him. The one thought of never seeing him again was almost more than she could bare.

She had no idea what had come over her, kissing Lancelot. At the time it felt right, the urge so strong and powerful she couldn't resist. But it had also felt wrong, so very wrong. She had no idea why she'd acted the way she did and it confused her very much.

And now she had to leave behind her home, Elyan, all her friends and Arthur, and it was all her fault. She didn't even know what had become of Lancelot, but it was not her place to ask.

So, she packed as many of her belongings on a small wooden cart and was ready to leave the lower town of Camelot. There was no other choice. At least she couldn't think of one. While she pulled the cart away from her home, she saw Merlin from a distance watching her from the corner of her eye, a pained and angry look in his eyes.

It made her feel sad, but she couldn't face him. She would break down into a million pieces if she did. All Gwen could do was hold her head up high while she pulled her cart out of town in search of a new life...


	31. Chapter 31

_Forever_

Not a day goes by without a dull pain throbbing inside my heart. Not a day goes by where I'm not thinking of the ones I lost. The love of my life, Freya, and the man who was far beyond just being my best friend or brother, Arthur. And I often become consumed by anger, at the world, at my destiny, but mostly at myself. I'm the most powerful warlock that has ever lived, but what is the use of my powers if I can't protect the people I hold most dear? What is the use of so much magic, if I can't bring them back to me?

Tonight the bluish colours of a full moon shine upon the perfectly still surface of the lake of Avalon. The silence is eerie and suffocating, and I can feel the familiar tight constriction in my throat, trying to hold in the tears threatening to fall. I have shed so many tears, it's a miracle they still appear whenever I think of the ones I loved most in all the world. I shouldn't even try to suppress them, because these tears tell me I'm still alive.

Everyone on this Earth will have to say goodbye to a loved one, sooner or later. But to me, loving someone would mean having to say goodbye again, and again. A hundred times, maybe even more? I fear my heart can't take it. I will forever be, a creature of magic. I will forever lose everyone I love and care for. There's only one thing that keeps me going.

One day, Arthur will come back to me, and he will stay. Forever.


	32. Chapter 32

_The voice inside my head._

"Merlin?"

It had been going on for several days now, that insistent voice inside my head. A voice that was as recognisable as my own, but it could only be lack of sleep. I never knew being immortal meant a chronic sleep disorder. No wonder I was hearing voices.

"Leave me alone, Arthur. I need rest, I need sleep, I don't need voices in my head." I wasn't even sure why I answered, but maybe if I did it would go away? This was wishful thinking of course.

"Merlin!" Arthur's voice sounded more demanding than I remembered.

"Not listening. This game show on TV is way more interesting than you." I wasn't even watching the show, but I hoped couch surfing would make me tired enough to sleep for a change.

" _Mmmmmeeerlin."_

"Will you just," I jumped up in annoyance, "... get out of my head!"

"No way, I am having way too much fun up here."

It was definitely Arthur, no doubt about it. But it couldn't be, why in the world would he be voicing his complaints inside my head? It was ridiculous. The man had been gone for centuries, and believe me I had tried to find clues for his return. But a voice? "Why am I even answering, you are just a figment of my imagination."

"No, Merlin, I am really in your head." Arthur insisted.

I wasn't going to fall for destiny's tricks, it brought me enough pain as it was. If Arthur wanted to come back, he better walk through the door instead of keeping me awake like this. "Gah, destiny is certainly taking this 'two sides of the same coin" very literal. Go away!"

"You can't tell me what to do. I'm your king, you're the servant."

"Not anymore I'm not, so I don't have to answer to you."

" _Merlin!"_

"Doesn't work!" I fell back down onto the couch, while a grin formed on my lips. "You can't slap me or throw things at my head..."

"But I can keep you awake, all night..." The voice stopped for a second. "Wait a moment, that reminds of something."

"That your head's as big as your waist?" Even if this wasn't real, I couldn't help but enjoy the conversation. I wouldn't want to admit it to anyone, but one of the things I missed the most about Arthur was exactly this. And even after centuries, we hadn't lost our touch it seemed.

"That I will also be in your head while you…" Arthur ignored my remark. "Eeewww."

"What?" I felt alarmed.

"You know, when you…"

"Have to pee?"

"I wish it was only that..."

"So?"

"When you're with a... Ggggirl."

The voice, real or not, sounded disgusted, and it felt as if Arthur was in the room with me. It made me blush violently, thinking about that he was in fact 'with me' and seeing what I was up to. "Oh... OH! I'm so screwed."

"I really hope you're not, for my sake."

"Arthur?" I could only come up with one last desperate action to make this stop. To get some sleep, to forget about Arthur for a while and go back to my life, even if the last century felt like a waste of time.

"Yes Merlin?"

"Shut up."

"Hey, that's my line."

"Can't you just leave my head and come visit?"

"I don't think it works that way, Merlin."

"Do you think it has a meaning?" I didn't want to hope, but I had to ask. Disappointment had been part of me for so long, I didn't know how it felt anymore to have that sparkle of joy and hope.

"What? Me seeing you pick your nose and take a bath, and have a... a girl?"

"Seriously, Arthur." I scowled at the voice. "Albion's time of need? The first step of you returning to the land of the living?"

"If that's true, you will never talk about this awkward conversation again... Ever."

"And if I do?"

"I would have to kill you."

It felt so real, almost like I could touch him. Would it hurt me if I gave this figment of my imagination the benefit of the doubt?

"I missed you too, Arthur."


End file.
